The Book of Romance by Tommy Nelson

I recently finished reading The Book of Romance by Tommy Nelson. I thoroughly enjoyed this book all the way through. I know that I am horribly unromantic and really know how to mess up dating relationships. That was my main motivation for reading this book – I want to learn how to not mess up my next dating relationship (if there is one – I hope there will be). I want to treat the next girl I date the best I can and foster the best relationship possible and not have to learn everything the hard way.When reading the book I highlighted aspects that I felt were relevant to me. I have compiled those excerpts here for all. I recommend reading the book yourself. Many of these thoughts may be disjointed, but the purpose is for this to act as a reminder for me in my own relationships.

Who Are You Looking For?

Would I feel honored to be asked out on a date by this person?
Would I feel privileged to be seen in church with the person to whom I am attracted?
Would I love to bring this person home to meet Mom and Data, Grandpa and grandma, Aunt, and Uncle?

You are ready to date and marry when you do not have to compromise any aspect of your relationship with God in order to be with the person to whom you are attracted.

You are ready to date and marry when you are willing to be single rather than to make a bad choice of a marriage partner.

The Person You Choose to Date

Three Things Required for Successful Dating

Time

Dating requires that you spend time together to get o know the person – brief, frequent encounters over a prolonged period. Avoid concentrations of time, such as entire days spent together, when you first begin dating.

Dating requires time for having long, meandering conversations and for participating in public activities together, and in the process, getting to know each other better in a wide variety of settings and circumstances.

Spend enough time together to see each other in the group interaction and in stressful, even crisis, situations.

…Spend time together cooking in the kitchen, doing laundry at a Laundromat, shopping for groceries, running errands, and so forth.

A “No Strings Attached” Policy

Dating should no be obligatory in any sense of the word. If you begin to date a person exclusively, you have moved into courtship.

Go on group dates. Double- and triple-date with friends who are Christians.

Stay in public places.

If you don’t want any strings attached to your dating relationship, avoid putting yourself in a situations for list to take over. “Make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts” (Rom. 13:14).

Respect

A woman who feels that a man respects her automatically feels that a man is being more romantic towards her.

Express to her how much you like being with her.

If you don’t show respect to a woman, she will never believe that you re truly like and admire her. And if she doesn’t have a sense that you like her, she will find it difficult to believe that you truly love her.

When you truly respect a person you are dating, you should have the same feeling: you consider the person to be of extremely high value. The person you date should build you up.

So often, young people begin to take for granted the person they are dating. When that happens, the romance fizzles.

Kindness is a mark of respect. Respect is necessary for romance. A relationship with romance is flat, even dead.

A woman doesn’t have pleasant dreams about a man who is unkind to her or who doesn’t show her respect.

The Combined Whole

The more time you spend dating a person, the greater your respect should grow. A “no strings attached” policy leads to respect, and increased respect results in both eh man and the woman wanting to spend more tie with each other. If you want to spend less and less time with a person you are dating, if respect wanes, or if you begin to feel that “strings” are being tied around you so that you no longer feel free to be yourself, back out of the dating relationship. This is not the right person for you!

Desirable Things to Expect During Dating

A Desire to Listen and a Growing Ease in Communication

If you do not experience a growing depth of communication, your relationship is not likely to one that should result in marriage.

Those who are excellent at listening and good at asking probing questions – for example, “How do you feel about that?” “What do you think about that?” “Why do you hold that opinion?” – tend to be slow to anger and slow to argue.

Listening is a universal sign of wisdom.

If you find yourself in an argument, apologize quickly and back away to a neutral position from which to listen again with renewed interest. My advice to men is that they never win an argument. Do so and lose a mate.

A Growing Feeling of Endearment

Couples who are deeply in love and have a good marriage usually have terms of endearment reserved exclusively for their spouses.

If you do not feel protective, comforting, or loving toward the person you are dating, or do not find yourself feeling affection to the point that it overflows into your vocabulary, reconsider your relationship.

Criticism or a belittling attitude can quickly destroy feelings of endearment in a dating relationship.

If the person you are dating dumps a load of criticism on you periodically or completely ignores you in a group – both of which can cause a feeling of inferiority or insignificance – seek to end your dating relationship. The criticism and abandonment will not decrease with marriage; they are much more likely to increase.

Safety and endearment are nearly always expressed in good manners and acts of kindness. Never walk in front of the woman you are dating or in front of your wife. Walk by her side. Pull out her chair for her. Open the door for her. Treat her as if she is your singular rose, the most precious person in your life.

Never tear down the reputation of the man you are dating, especially in the presence of others. Build him up.

A Lack of Pressure

…The guy with the courage to say, “No, this is wrong.” He was also sensitive enough to her feelings to know that even if he hadn’t initially felt anything was wrong with the movie, he was aware that she was uncomfortable and he acted in her best interests.

The couple in the Song of Solomon drew close spiritually, socially, and emotionally, but no physical touch occurred before marriage. The man would in no way cause the woman to compromise her faith.

An Open Acknowledgement of Your Dating Relationship

If you are dating a person, you should not care in the least that entire world knows it. This is not at time for secrecy or hidden agendas.

If you have any qualms at all about what others will think if they discover you are dating, question your relationship seriously. You should be dating some who has the full approval of all who truly love you and desire God’s best for you.

A Period of Growing Passion

A natural phenomenon of dating is a desire to give of oneself. The more respect a person has for another, and the more time spent together, the more desire to express respect and affection in tangible, physical ways. A part of this growing desire is certainly a sexual desire.

The Need for Restraint

At no time in God’s Word is sex apart from marriage considered honorable, right, or in keeping with God’s plan. Sexual promiscuity, living together before marriage, and sex outside of marriage are wrong in God’s eyes. No extenuating circumstances. No bounds of marriage is labeled in the Scriptures either as fornication (between unmarried participants) or as adultery (one or both participants are married).

Keep the Fires Contained

Prior to marriage, we both would have felt guilt, which would have damaged our relationship.

Sex outside of marriage always follows a law of diminishing returns. Why? Because the emphasis is on sex, and sexual gratification by itself is consuming and escalating.

Keeping a fire going requires boundaries and appropriate fuel. In marriage, that fuel is growing respect, tenderness, admiration, mutual desires and dreams, mutual Christlike relationship with others (extended family, children, friends, business associates, community relationships), memories and traditions established over time, romance and ongoing expressions of affection, and so forth.

Sex is demanding outside of marriage. Each person demands “rights,” insisting on gratification of self. Sex within marriage takes on an entirely new dimension, that of giving to the other, including those times when desire may not be strong.

Dating is a time for growing restraint.

Don’t let anything sneak in and spoil the purity of your relationship during courtship. You will be shortchanging yourself of many benefits down the road.

Three Questions to Ask While Dating

As you date, look for the spiritual disciplines and spiritual direction evident in the life of the one you are dating. If you don’t’ find it today, there is little change it will spontaneously appear tomorrow and last into the next decade. They should not be things that a person initiates or begins to do simply to enhance a dating relationship.

Developing and “Us” Identity

The longer you date a person, the more you should feel as if you are developing something between you that an “us” identity to it. You should start to feel as if you are a team to two, walking in the same direction, of like mind and heart before the Lord, eager to work together and to pull together as tasks that may become mutually yours. If you do not have a sense of growing together, then you must face up to the fact that you probably growing apart.

Don’t fear putting an end of dating relationship that seems to be going nowhere. Those who force a relationship to endure are likely to be in a relationship that forever required great effort and affords little mutual satisfaction.

When you find a person you enjoy dating – a person with whom you have increasingly good communication and a growing spiritual kinship, for whom you have continued respect and greater feelings to endearment , and about whom you have no embarrassment and no fear – you will eventually come to the point where you being to court that person.

The Wonderful Period of Courtship

Dating is observation. Courtship is involvement.

Dating is a time allotment; it is an end in itself. Courtship is directional it is moving toward something.

Dating has no strings attached. Courtship involved some mutual responsibility, more vulnerability, and greater need for trust.

Dating is marketing. Courtship is negotiating a potential sale to its close.

A “Growth” Experience

A good courtship still should be couched in extreme courtesy and respect. IT should be marked by sexual purity. Such a courtship inevitably requires a sense of pacing, flexibility, and sensitivity on the part of both the man and the woman.

Dating gives you further opportunity to get to know the person for the inside out. Courtship is the time for evaluating consistency and for deepening the communication.

Consistency Over Time

I have never seen a good marriage come out of a rocky courtship, just as I’ve never seen a good courtship emerge from a dating relationship that had frequent bouts of breaking up and getting back together again.

Deeper Communication

Courtship is the time for sharing one’s deepest desires, hopes, and dreams.

Courtship is a time for telling life stories in detail, for exploring life’s future in detail, for sharing freely and fully anything and everything that you desire to share.

If you feel “out of sight, out of mind” about the one you are courting, call it quits. In courtship, time should kindle, not dwindle, a relationship.

In that atmosphere of unconditional love, she blossomed as a person. She became a high devoted, trustworthy, and adoring wife, eager to do all she could to express her love to the man who cherished her and valued her despite her past sins.

Courtship is a time for making yourself vulnerable to the one you are considering as a marriage partner. It is a time for taking risk to share what may initially frighten, surprise, appall, dishearten, or shock the one you are courting. Even so, sharing at a level of vulnerability is something you must do.

If Christ is now central to your relationship, you are on shaky ground, indeed.

Future Hopes and Dreams

You must also share your heartfelt dreams and desires for the future.

They should not be idealized images that you share with each other because you think they are the “right” dreams for a Christian young person to have; they should be genuine dreams that you have had a for a significant period of time.

True to Yourself

A good courtship should bring out the best in you and allow you to express yourself fully without any feelings of recrimination of apology. You should feel free to be who God created you to be. You cannot endure a lifetime of impersonating your mate’s ideal.

An admission of one’s foibles, flaws, and past sins is almost like a vaccination – it keeps your beloved from begin surprised if those aspects of your personality and history crop up later.

Too Much, Too Soon

Too much, too soon can make you sick of someone!

An Ability to Survive Arguments

She needs a man who is willing to listen to her and to take her ideas and opinions into consideration. At the core of many marital arguments is the issue of “you never listen to me; you don’t’ care what I think.” Men, if your girlfriend or wife accuses you of poor communications skills, own up to them.

A Willingness to Commit

Be hones about your feelings and forthright about your intentions. You feel either one way or the other – express your feelings.

Mark the point at which you being to court. Don’t just slide into courtship.

Be careful with a woman’s heart.

Men, make that [ initiate the forging of commitment ] your responsibility. Take the lead!

The Wedding God Desires for You to Have

A Great Wedding is Marked be Strength

He wrote that when a woman realizes that the man she has married is not the same man at home as he is at work, she becomes angry and rightfully so. At work, the man may be creative, passionate, zealous, ambitious, and a leader. At home, the same man may become placid, opinionless, a bad listener, vacillating, uncreative, uncommunicative, and humorless.

A woman wants the creative, passionate, zealous, ambitious, and leader traits to be manifested at home to the same degree they are displayed at work.

A woman is also looking for a man who will display to her that he loves her enough to provide a place for her, both materially and financially. The income for a family is the husband’s responsibility.

To what degree have you gone out of your way to prepare to give your wife the things that will make her feel special and secure as your wife?

A woman desires to feel secure. She wants a man who is strong.

A groom who knows that he is strong inside in faith and character stands tall and proud. He is ready to assume the full responsibilities of marriage with deep, inner assurance that he desires to and can provide for his wife.

A Great Wedding has Parental Approval

Great weddings are marked by approval of both sets of parents.

The Honeymoon … at Last

What Don’t You Know About Sex

So many people within the body of Christ seem to be wounded and maimed emotionally and psychologically by issues and problems related to sexual intimacy, and yet nobody in the church wants to discuss these issues.

Approaching Your Spouse

A woman doesn’t feel the same pressure or insistent urges for sex that a man feels. She gets ready for sexual intimacy through what she thinks and feels, and to a great extent, she thinks and feels the way a man leads her to think and feel. Nothing calms a woman’s fears and excites her passions as much as having a man tell her how wonderful she is.

He liked what he saw, and he told her so. He appreciated her, valued her, acknowledged her beauty, built her up. And he looked deep into her eyes as he spoke.

She is the unashamed beauty of sexuality in its divine setting.

He dealt with her tenderly, spoke to her, kissed her, made her feel special and desirable. He build a desire for himself within her mind and heart. He was being romantic.

There is an old, but true, saying: men give romance to get sex; woman give sex to get romance. Solomon was doing the right thing by his bride.

That’s right – a good marriage has a degree of “vulgarity.”

Building Passion and Desire

A man con have sex just about any time and appreciate it in just about any form. A woman, however, heats up slowly. She needs time and tenderness to be ready for sexual intercourse.

Man as a whole seem to be able to appreciate sex as long as they are shown some appreciate and are given a green light. Women, in contrast, have a difficult time appreciating sex if it completely void of kindness, appreciate, and gentleness.

If a woman has a problem with a specific sexual act or position, then a man needs to stop immediately.

It’s better to give some serious thought to what you like and don’t like, what you’d like to try and now try, and so forth before your wedding night.

It’s also important that both persons be willing to experiment and be flexible to the greatest degree possible in their thinking when it comes to sexual behavior

A man needs to approach his wife with an awareness that she is a wonderfully creative home being who is subject to changes, whims, emotional highs and lows, and sudden shifts in mood.

The wife does not have authority over her own body, but he husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another expect with consent for a time, that you may five yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Cor. 7:4-5)

The only time you should deny each other sexual pleasure is when, by mutual agreement.

Only the holy and selfless can truly be great lovers.

All Night with His Beloved

Appreciating His Bride’s Body

One of the most painful things a man can ever do to his bride is to see her disrobed for the first time and then say something disparaging about her body. That deep hurt is likely to one she never forgets. All women tend to be self-conscious about their bodies.

She doesn’t need for you to tell her she is the most beautiful creature in all the world. She needs to hear that she pleases you, and that as far as you are concerned, she is perfect in your eyes. A woman who truly feels cherished be her husband in all ways is going to give herself to her husband feely and generously.

Moving Toward a Mutual Climax

She was his sexual partner not his plaything.

A man is energized sexually by what he sees and what he feels. If nothing is withheld, he withholds nothing.

Great sex to a woman is tenderness. To a man, it’s responsiveness.

In the Aftermath of Sexual Union

When sexual intimacy occurs in right timing and with the right person, from God’s perspective, it is meant to be enjoyed fully. Sex under an alias – in a dark corner, a backseat, or a mote, with a person other than your spouse – is never sex that can be enjoyed to the maximum because there will always be an element of guilt and shame associated with it.

There should be no sense of shame or guilt.

Conflicts

All couples fight. Good couples fight clean. Bad couples fight dirty.

Good conflict leads to a resolution in which both parties feel peace, and a new platform for communication and cooperation is established between them. Bad conflict leads to a victory for one and loss for the other, which results in some degree of hidden resentment and bitterness that are stored away for a future fight.

Every Marriage has Conflict

Marriages without conflict aren’t healthy and growing.

A husband or wife should never shy away from conflict in a spirit of denial.

Six Stages of Conflict

Stage One: Both Parties Feel Harmed

A Continued Pursuit in Love

It is in the spirit of mutual forgiveness and a desire for mutual continuation of our relationship in love that conflicts are genuinely resolved, a torn relationship is mended, and difficulties are turned into paving stones for a stronger foundation.

Stage Two: A Change of Heart

You should feel remorse that any type of conflict has occurred.

If your spouse wrongs you, give god some time to work in your mate’s heart. Let God have an opportunity to deal with the conscience of your spouse. Your role is not to have that of the Holy Spirit in your spouse’s life. My role as a husband is to teach my wife what I know to be true, love her tenderly, care for her, and provide for her all that she needs, but I am not her Savior, her divine Spirit of truth, of her Comforter and Counselor.

It’s wrong to threaten abandonment, separation, or divorce in order to get your way in a marriage. That’s manipulation, not ministry.

A wife is wise to trust God to manifest His authority in her husband’s life rather than to attempt to take on that role for herself.

God truly changed her heart, as her husband was kind in the face of wrong.

Stage Three: Reaching Out to Make Amends

She had absolutely no doubts about his commitment to her or her commitment to him. Regardless of the conflict they had…

In like manner, it is a great joy to a man to know that while he is at work each day, his wife is doing all that she can to preserve and enrich their marriage, to protect and provide for their children and home, and to do so with a gentle and quiet spirit, and all with an unfailing commitment to be faithful to him. Such a man has absolute trust in his wife and takes refuge in her company.

Individual rights within a marriage are never more important than the unity and love of the relationship as a whole. If in demanding your rights or insisting that you have the right idea or opinion, you are threatening to destroy the harmony and loving foundation of your home, you are wrong, no matter how right you think you are. A greater harm is in danger of being done to your marriage and your family by your stubborn resistance than ever could have been done to you personally in the first place.

The Resolution of Conflict

The first three stages in martial conflicts and their resolutions:

A feeling of harm, hurt, or injury on the part of both persons.
A change of heart on the part of the one who initiated the conflict.
A desire on the part of both persons for the conflict to end.

Stage Four: Communications

Most marriage conflicts tend to arise from one of five sources: (1) a failure of communication, (2) financial difficulties, (3) sexual difficulties, (4) problems with the in-laws, or (5) disagreements about child rearing.

A conflict does not resolve itself in silence.

Let me share with you the sixteen axiomatic “nevers” that I believe are integral for good communication between spouses when conflict occurs.

Never Speak Rashly

Always keep in mind that it’s not only what you say that matters, but how and when you speak.

Never Confront Your Mate Publicly

Never Confront Your Spouse in Your Children’s Presence

Never Use Your Children in the Conflict

Never say “Never” or “Always”

Never Resort to Name-Calling

Never Get Historical

Never Stop Out of the Room or Leave

Never Raise Your Voice in Anger

Never Bring Family Members into the Discussion Unless They Are a Direct Part of the Problem Being Addressed

Never Win Through Reasoning or Logic and Never Out-Argue

Nothing is more disrespectful than to disregard the feelings of your mate with cold logic as if your mate’s paid is foolish and imagined.

When you win a conflict, and do so repeatedly, you are likely to lose a mate.

If you continually win arguments your mate will lose heart, go silent, and emotionally withdraw.

Never Be Condescending

Arguments are rarely resolved if one person adopts a “know it all” or “better than thou” attitude.

Never Demean

There is no excuse at any time for demeaning a person.

Never Accuse Your Spouse with “You” Statements

Couch your statements in “I” terms: “I heard this and I need to know if I heard you correctly,” I don’t understand what you mean when you say…,” or “I felt this way when I heard what you said.”

Never Allow an Argument to begin If Both of You Are Overly Tired, If One of You is Under the Influence of Chemicals, or If One of You Is Physically Ill

Never Touch Your Spouse in a Harmful Manner

Listening Is Just as Important as Speaking

Listen with Patience Until Your Spouse Speaks

Don’t force a quite mate to talk.

Listen with Your Face

A woman wants to feel that she has her husband’s undivided attention. Look at your wife when she speaks. Look into her eyes. Give her your full attention.

Often a woman needs only to express her heart. She doesn’t need answers or a logical evaluation, only consideration.

Listen Until Your Spouse Has Finished Speaking

It may seem unimportant or trivial to you, but it isn’t unimportant or trivial to her.

Remember, every person deems his or her opinion to be important.

Listen and Then File Away What You Hear in the Closet of Privacy

What is said in times of martial conflict should be said in privacy and kept in privacy. Don’t try to drum up support for your position in an argument outside your marriage.

Listen Without Rude Body Language

Choose to listen to your mate with a mind open to learning and growing. Listen with your whole heart.

Stage Five: Forgiveness

He was forgiving his bride even before she had a chance to ask for forgiveness.

Nothing brings about reconciliation quicker in a relationship than these two elements: (1) a repentant heart on the part of the person who has wronged the another, and (2) a heart overflowing with unconditional love and forgiveness on the part of the person who has been wronged.

You likely have been party wrong – be fully repentant. And then, be fully forgiving for whatever wrong your mate has committed against you. “When conflicts arise, I will choose not to hurt my mate, but if any hurt results, I will take responsibility for that hurt, I will repent for causing hurt, and I will fully forgive my spouse for any wrong done to me.”

Solomon took this stance toward his bride: “I can’t even remember what you did.”

“I distinctly remember forgetting that.”

Moving to Deeper Levels

The Factors that Kill Romance

Sin

Age

Romance dies when a person focuses on the outer beauty rather than on the inner beauty of her or her spouse.

Forgetfulness

Spouses too often come to teak each other for granted, and they lose sight of just how special they are to each other. Romance requires intention, care, and focus.

Laziness

Choose to remain absolutely faithful to your spouse. Chose to focus on the inner qualities of your spouse and to nurture, edify, and praise them. Choose to recall frequently the things that you admire in your spouse and to recall special moments that have enriched your relationship through the years. Choose to make the effort to show your spouse frequently how much you love, honor, and cherish him or her.

Keeping Romance Alive in Your Marriage

First, men are expected to be romantic. A husband is to lead in this area.

Second, men are capable of romance.

Third, God desires for men to be romantic. It is expressing tender desire to be with another person and making that person feel special and valuable.

The Spontaneous and Unexpected

Romance is rooted to a marked degree in the spontaneous and unexpected.

Continue to Date

I encourage all married couples to continue to date throughout their marriage.

Men, going on date means that you shower, dress up a little, brush your teeth, and truly get ready for a special evening.

Gaze into her eyes. Close out all others unless you mutually agree to “people watch” together. Listen to what your wife wants to say to you. Display your very best manners. Be courteous, respectful, and tender with your wife. Few things are as arousing as manners. Make her feel like the most important person in the world to you – and do it with a genuine heart.

I have met countless young people who resent the fact that their partner were away from home on business trips of stayed late at work too often, or that one parent went out by himself to drink, party, or play cards, leaving the other spouse and children at home.

Greater Appreciation than Ever Before

Husband, be the kind of man to your wife that Solomon was to his wife – be willing to serve her and to praise her. Praise is payday.

Appreciation for the Total Person

A Visibly Good Leadership

Husband, always treat your wife as the queen of your home.

“My home is wherever my wife happens to be at the time.”

Appreciation Expressed in Tender Words

Romance is about giving to another person. IT is about appreciating that person and valuing that person. It is about showing signs of respect and trust. It is about admiration.

They want to know how you feel in your heart, now how you respond to the feel of them in your hand.

Remain Tender

The way a woman spells love over time is tenderness. The way a man spells love over time is respect.

Remain Respectful

When husbands fail in tenderness and wives fail to show respect, marriages wither. Revere your mate. If you don’t, Satan will find someone who will.

You Become What You Give

A truly good marriage has that uplifting and encouraging aspect to it.

A Romantic Response

Wife, never lose sight of the fact that you can still be even more creative in your lovemaking. In order of what excites most men:

What he hears during sex.
What he sees. Trust me, he longs to give you a gift certificate to Victoria ‘s Secret.
What he feels, especially the responsiveness of his wife.

What he smells.
What he tastes.

Wife, use the whole arsenal at your disposal!

The Element of Good Surprise

Doing the unexpected chore as a help to a weary or overstressed spouse can be a very romantic act.

Don’t allow a single romantic act to be reduced to routine. Stay creative. At the heart of romance is god’s creative spirit.

Stay steadfast in your love for your spouse. But stay innovative in the way you express your love.

Faithful Commitment

Marriage is not a temporary driving permit for a spin down life’s highway. It is a permanent state of being.

A Oneness of Identity

…It meant that nobody would dream of inviting Solomon to a social engagement without also inviting Solomon’s beloved wife…

Made Just for Each Other

If you do not believe that God has brought you together as a couple, and that god engineered all of the circumstances and situations that caused you to meet, fall in love, and grow in your love, then you should not marry.

Sealed Together Permanently

Once you are married, your flirting days are over, expect when you flirt with your spouse.

There is no place for it [pornography] in the life of a Christian. No man is ever to see the naked body of a woman other than his wife.

A Good Type of Jealousy

Jealously is wanting what is rightfully yours. Jealousy includes a strong desire to keep others from taking away what you have been given by God.

That is, just as death does not give up on its people, so true love does not quite.

It does mean that you avoid being alone with a person of the opposite sex and that disclosure of your feelings, dreams, and desires is reserved for you spouse alone. Don’t confide in others of the opposite sex. Don’t eat along with a person of the opposite sex. Eating together is one of the most intimate things two people can do. You are inviting disaster if you make this a practice.

Make sure you are available to your spouse for the times when your mate wants to be alone with you or to have dinner with just you.

Marriage was meant to be shared by two people, and no more than two people.

An Unquenchable Perseverance

A marriage can survive incredibly bad times if both people are faithfully committed to each other.

A Treasured Possession

No job is worth losing your wife, no career is wrong losing your husband, regardless of what the world may say to you.

No fling of affair is worth destroying your marriage. No special interest or pursuit is worth damaging your relationship with your spouse.

Don’t allow yourself to become casual or nonchalant about your marriage.

A Foundation for Faithful Commitment

Virginity until marriage I not a divine preference. It is a divine commandment. We fool ourselves when we think otherwise.

The man who marries a virgin goes into marriage with significant trust and faith in his wife.

If the person you are dating or courting has no string evidence of faithfulness to others in the past – including honesty, ethical business dealings, and kept promises – reconsider your relationship.

God brought Solomon to the woman when she was willing to be single forever rather than sacrifice her purity before God. When she was at that point of willingness, she said, “Then I become in his eyes as one who found peace.”

The point is that a person is to be what God commands in purity and holiness, and when god is so pleased, then the right person can be brought to him or her.

Making Yourself Totally Available

You don’t make plans without taking your spouse into consideration. You don’t dream dreams that exclude your spouse. You don’t make major decisions without accommodating the needs of your spouse.

To a young person, a protective parent may seem to hold a harsh stance toward premarital sex, but later in life, if the parent’s counsel is followed, that advice will crown the young person with happiness and beauty.

Hurry Home, Honey!

With faithful commitment come emotional strength, healing, growth, and peace.

Fresh Beginnings Are Always Possible

Start Over

Start over from where you are right now. If you have been sexually promiscuous in the past, choose to be chaste and pure from this point forward. If you are living with somebody outside the vows of marriage, break off the living arrangement. If you have made a mistake in your past, trust God to forgive you, to cleanse you fully of that mistake, and to prepare you for the souse He has for you in your future. Rise from your knees forgiven, but sin no more.

Aim for God’s Highest

“Give it your best effort, and trust God to help you.”

Never quit when it come to obedience. Why? Because you must never give up on God’s indwelling presence to help you obey and to be transformed in your innermost being so that you will exhibit godly character and right behavior.

God desires for you to experience the fullness of job made possible through love, sexual intimacy, and romance. Trust God to help you find and develop a relationship that is anchored in Him. And then enjoy to the maximum His wonderful gift to you!

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Jason Lund

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