This past summer I hit a wall of frustration with my current job situation.  What was I doing with my life?  I knew my engineering job wasn’t the right position for me, but what was?  Frustration ensued as friends would ask me, “ what IS it that you want to do then?” and I responded with a blank stare.  “I don’t know God, what IS it that you would have me do?”  How do I even begin a job search if I don’t know what type of job I was looking for?  My frustration led to many nights in tears with my husband, depression, and feeling of hopelessness.  I got so frustrated one day I snapped and applied to 20 different jobs just to get out, but nothing.  I decided that I would not run away from my current situation, only to end up with a different job to hate, and end up exactly where I was.

You hear the cliché saying so frequently – “just pray about it”.  But usually I don’t pray because it doesn’t seem tangible.  But I had nowhere else to go, and so I did just that, I prayed (hours of quiet time).  I thought about where God has gifted me.  I read articles about how to find your calling.  I sought counsel from close people.  Through these steps of faith, God started to divinely intervene.

One morning, hope peaked over the horizon. My husband sent me an article about discerning your calling {divine timing} and how we should start with thinking about what “people needs” resonate with us first, then assess your gifts, then look at the opportunities available.  In my journaling, I explored things that bring me joy and where I feel alive and concluded with two simple words – talent management.  “Wow, where did that come from?”; I didn’t know what those words meant and hadn’t thought of such a career before.  God pressed me to find out more about this career field by networking.  Exactly what I did NOT want to do.  I don’t like going out and asking for a job.  I don’t like doing informal interviews.  I just wanted to sit at my cube, stay in isolation, and apply to jobs behind a computer screen – easy.

That same week, I attended a department meeting to help people hone their career path.  Usually I wouldn’t go to these things because well, I really don’t know how it’d benefit me.  But, God was intervening and leading me to go to the meeting and at least see what it was about.  Well lo and behold, our manager uttered the words talent management {divine appointments}, and this time, my heart moved.  The next 5 months was one step of obedience after the next.  Reaching out to the director of Talent Management.  Reaching out to executives to network.  I hadn’t a clue what I was doing.  What does an engineer know about HR?  How was I going to move into a job where I had NO experience?  But all along the way, God put people in my path who wanted to help me; I still don’t know why {divine favor}.  I remember one time getting invited to an impromptu meeting to go over the department’s career guide.  I sat down next to a lady, she introduced herself to me and asked me what role I was playing in this meeting and I explained to her that I just had an interest in talent management and that my manager invited me along so I could learn.  I barely spoke to this woman and within 30 seconds, she was already telling me all about the career field and how she worked directly for the director of Talent Management (the man I wanted to work for).  God then put two other high level people in my path, and just like with the lady, these two execs for whatever reason found a liking to me, my personality, and my excitement toward talent management.  Each of these people sent along a recommendation to the director of talent management without my request or knowledge.

So one glorious day, I was sitting at my desk when the director FINALLY called me.  He said, “You know, I don’t usually listen the first time, but when three people I respect tell me the same story, I know it’s time to listen.”  We scheduled a meeting for me to meet him.  I walked in to the meeting thinking I’d need plead my case so he’d hire me, but God had already done all the work.  I didn’t have to convince him of anything, he was ready to hire me (no resume or business case needed)!

Today I am in the process of making the career change into my dream job.   My story isn’t anything out of the ordinary.  People make career changes all the time.  But, 6 months ago I would have NEVER EVER even considered talent management nor did I even know the career field existed.  If anything, I was going to pursue a career as a wedding planner, or an event planner, or a business analyst, or ANYTHING else besides talent management.

Through prayer, God literally placed a desire in my heart.  Without any doubt, I know this is where I am supposed to be.  How incredible it feels to KNOW that I am fulfilling God’s purpose and to not anxious about where I am suppose to be or what I should be doing.  This dream is not my desire alone, but His calling on my life right now.  And how do I know?  Well, scripture says God gives you the desires of your heart {Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.}.  If you think through that verse, He gives you those desires because He will literally place those desires in your heart.  I never had this desire before.  The journey, while long, was effortless.  I get to keep my engineering salary (super sweet), stay with my company (no disruptions), and transfer into this new position.  Oh, and did I mention that HR has never done something like this before? And, we all know how the government usually responds to things that are new.  I’m not qualified for this job; I have zero experience for this job.  And yet, here I am, about to get out of engineering and into a dream I’ve been pursuing for the past 7 years.

Am I scared?  You bet I am.  This career change is so much bigger than me.  The theme of 2012 for Jason and I is “faith, change, and peace: in the midst of uncertainty.”  This job situation aligns perfectly with where I believe God will take us this year – a testing of our faith.   James 1:3-4 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. ⁴ And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

I start in February– how absolutely awesome

Today (Dec. 8, 2011), Target passed with both Ngoc and I present at 5:10pm. I expected her to pass earlier, but I always believed that God would keep Target in my life until I was with the mate He had destined for me. I’ve held this conviction for many years that He would grant this as a sign for me of hope, excitement, responsibility, and joy. God is so good; for Ngoc is my wonderful soul mate.

Target had notified us that she was ready to go by eating her last meal two weeks ago (Nov. 22, 2011). She continued to drink water every day, but refused to eat. When brought to the vet, we were told that she looked healthier than many 5-year old cats because nearly everything about her health checked out to be top shape (dental, organs, etc.).

Target’s attitude even until the moment she passed was positive and friendly. Here are a few memories that made her a faithful feline friend.

1. Target and I shared a bed-time ritual for as long as I can remember. I would lay down each night and she would crawl onto my chest to sit there while I petted her and scratched her back and then her chin. She would turn around and lay on my legs as we went to sleep.
2. Target wasn’t judgmental. Many times I would have friends over and she would be sure to meet anybody who stopped in (even in the frat house). I remember many weeks where I held Bible studies, feasts, parties, or other events at The Embassy where she would greet everybody with a friendly purr.
3. Target loved to be nearby, particularly settling down on some paper. For many years, she would sit (or stand) between me and the monitor or settled on a nice cozy stack of papers. Of course, if I would get up for even a moment, she would jump into the chair to claim it as her own.
4. Since being married, Target was faithful to help us rise in the morning. Around 5am she would arise, sit near Ngoc’s face, and watch intently until Ngoc moved. If she got impatient she would gradually purr louder and louder until Ngoc moved. Once Ngoc moved, she would purr louder, lick her face, and then walk over top of her and do the same for me. Ngoc thought it a joy to be awoken around 5am each morning. Maybe that’s why Ngoc so much enjoyed getting her back throughout the day (see video).

I’m sad to see my feline friend gone, but it’s been a great 21 years full of memories.  It was much harder for me to say goodbye today than I expected, but I’m glad that I was there until the very end.  And while she was only a cat, she was my feline friend.  Ngoc asked me if we should get another pet because making these decisions and losing something we love is hard – my answer is an emphatic yes, because love is absolutely worth the heartache.

We’ll miss target, but we celebrate her life and the joy she brought us.

My first attempt at the chou pastry was a huge fail.  They turned out dense, didn’t puff up, and just entertainment for me and my girlfriends.  Turns out, I was doing it all wrong until I found the recipe from Joy of Baking and hooray!  They turned out beautifully and just as delicious as they look.  I can’t wait to pass down the tradition of Choux à la crème to my kids one day :)

Choux à la crème

Choux Pastry

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup water
• 1/4 cup (4TBS) unsalted butter
• 1/2 cup flour
• 1/4 TSP granulated sugar
• 1/8 TSP salt
• 2~3 eggs, lightly beaten

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 400F
2. On heavy-bottomed saucepan, combine water and butter over medium heat. When the mixture starts bubbling, remove from heat and add all the sifted flour, sugar, and salt.
3. Stir with wooden spoon – the mixture should come together pretty easily into a dough.
4. Over medium heat, stir the mixture until the dough forms into a ball. Transfer dough to a bowl and use the wooden spoon or hand mixer to release the steam and cool the dough.
5. When the dough is lukewarm, start adding the eggs little by little.  At first, the mixture might seem to separate, but keep stirring and the it’ll turn into a batter.  The mixture should be a thick, smooth paste with slight elasticity. When you scoop up the batter, it should slowly ooze and drop back into the bowl in a “tear shape.”  Use two eggs at first, if the batter seems to dry, whisk up a third egg and slowly add to the batter until you get the right consistency.
6. Pour the batter in a piping bag (or a heavy duty ziplock bag and cut off the corner) and pipe on the pans.
7. Brush on some leftover egg on the surface.
8. Put in the oven. Bake at 400F for 15 minutes.  The will end up puffing up!
9. Lower the temperature to 350F and bake for an extra 30~40 minutes, until the outside becomes a nice amber color.
10. Leave the oven door slightly open and let the choux dry out for 10~15 minutes. Then put the choux on cooling racks to completely cool.

Crème Filling

You can fill your cream puffs with whip cream, but I grew up eating them with a custard filling.

Ingredients:

• 3 cups (750 ml) milk
• 3 eggs
• 3/4 cup (175 ml) granulated sugar
• 1/4 cup (50 ml) all-purpose flour
• 1 tbsp. (15 ml) cornstarch
• 2 tbsp. butter (25 ml)
• 1 1/2 tsp. vanilla (7 ml)
• 2 cups (500 ml) whipping cream

Directions

1. In a heavy-bottomed saucepan, heat milk until it starts steaming. Meanwhile, in a bowl, whisk together eggs, sugar, flour and cornstarch; gradually pour in milk in a thin stream, whisking constantly. Return mixture to a clean pan. Cook over medium heat, whisking until the mixture thickens into a custard cream. Remove from heat; stir in butter and vanilla.
2. Pour into bowl; place waxed paper (I just used saran wrap) directly on surface to prevent skin from forming. Refrigerate until cool (at least 4 hours). Whip cream, gently fold into pastry cream with spatula just until combined.

Assembly:

Cut the choux pastry in half and fill with the crème filling.  Sounds like a lot of work, but truly, it’s not and they are oh so delicious.

So if you know me, you know that I heart cupcakes – so much that I started a side business Cupcake Delight.  My most popular flavor has always been the Pumpkin Spice Cupcake:  a pumpkin infused cupcake topped with cream cheese frosting and then the my own special twist, pumpkin pie filling; all made with love of course.  How can anyone resist?!  In fact, I’d say the Pumpkin Spice cupcake is credited as one of the ingredients that started my relationship with my now hubbs.  See, two years ago, he asked me to make cupcakes for his mom’s “Celebrate Strength” party.  I couldn’t turn down the offer, people loved the cupcakes, and then suddenly, he’d randomly start asking me about my cupcakes, dropping by for dinner, and fast forward to today, we are celebrating 6 months of beautiful marriage.  One way into a man’s heart really is through his stomach.

I’ve had numerous people ask me about the recipe, so here it is!  Nom nom nom…

Pumpkin Spice Cupcakes

Pumpkin Pie Filling

Ingredients

• 1 pkg Dream Whip
• ½ cup milk
• ½ tsp vanilla
• 2/3 cup milk
• 1 pkg Jello instant vanilla pudding
• 1 cup canned pumpkin (Libby’s Pure Pumpkin or Pie Mix both work)
• ¾ tsp pumpkin pie spice

Directions

1. Prepare Dream Whipe with ½ up milk and vanilla as directed on package
2. Combine 1 cup Dream Whip with Jello Pudding, 2/3 cup milk, canned pumpkin, and pumpkin pie spice
3. Beat slowly just until well mixed (about 1 minute)
4. Chill in refrigerator for about an hour

Pumpkin Spice Cupcakes

Yields 32 cupcakes

Ingredients:

• 4 cups cake flour
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 tbs plus 1 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp salt
• 2 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1 tbs ground ginger
• 1 tsp nutmeg
• ¼ tsp ground cloves
• 1 cup (2 sticks) butter, room temperature
• 2 ½ cups packed light brown sugar
• 4 large eggs
• 1 cup buttermilk
• 1 ½ cups canned pumpkin puree (not pie filling)

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350°
2. Sift together flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, and spices
3. With electric mixer on medium-high speed, cream butter and brown sugar until pale and fluffly.  Add eggs, one at a time, beating until each is incorporated, scraping down sides of bowl as needed.
4. Reduce speed to low.  Add flour mixture in three batches, alternating with two additions of buttermilk, and beating until just combined.
5. Add pumpkin puree; beat until just combined.
6. Divide batter evenly among lined cups, filling each three-quarters full.  Bake for 15 to 18 minutes or until golden brown.
7. Let cool on wire racks for 10 minutes.

{source: Martha Stewart}

Assembly: After the cupcakes are cooled, fill the cupcakes with the pumpkin pie filling, top with a frosting of your choice, and be ready for a cupcake explosion – YUMMM!

Nowadays, we remember Christ’s resurrection with Lent – a 40 day period of fasting and preparation before Easter. In following with the tradition to fast during Lent so that we can further focus on our Lord, Ngoc and I have chosen to fast from making out. While there is nothing wrong with making out, we’ve chosen this because we believe that it honors God and each other and is in alignment with the parameters which God had directed (see 1 Corinthians 7:5).

Additionally, while talking to a friend, mentor, and pastor, Pete Bullette, he provided a perspective that flies in the face of the sexual/intimate temptations couples face even more so as they get closer to their marriage. He gave the simple analogy of a bank account. Each time that we want to be physically/sexually intimate before marriage we have a choice – are we going to make a deposit into our marriage “bank account” by abstaining or are we going to draw against whatever is in the “bank account” and go into debt before we’re married? Personally, I think this analogy is very powerful for me because I can grasp the perils of debt and the freedom of compound interest.

So, as Ngoc and I enter the final 40 days before our wedding day, we are excited to continue to make deposits into our marriage “bank account” that we’re hoping lead to many healthy, fun, fulfilling, and God-honoring both sexual and non-sexual experiences through our marriage. Through this final period of 40-days, I will specifically practice various ways to love well – to love Ngoc well.

It’s not easy to love well (at least for me). How do I put aside my own interests for her? How do I regard her perspective above my own (see Philippians 2:3-4)? How do I forgive her again (see Matthew 18:21-35)? How do I have compassion and care for her even when I’m tired, frustrated, or have my own needs (see Matthew 14:13-14)? How do I lead her into who Christ calls her to be – since God will ultimately hold me accountable for her (see Ephesians 5:23-24)?

What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy? (Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage)

I’m reminded that God is sovereign and puts everything together according to His plan and His timing. I don’t realize His handiwork at the time, but when I look back on 2010 I can see His goodness shine through each life event. In particular, I’m reminded of the word “favor” that shows up throughout the Scriptures. For no good reason, God shows me favor; He grants goodness in my life.

Most notably this year, God has poured out his favor on me through Ngoc. Ngoc is everything I desire in a partner. Most importantly, everything about her compels me even more toward my savior, Jesus Christ. She is wonderfully trusting; she covers the many areas where I am lacking; she models love so beautifully; she is playful and doesn’t get upset when I make messes and break things; she loves God first; she’s pretty; she has noble and admirable character; and most of all she is with me.

Her and I spent the weekend before Christmas in Williamsburg where I proposed. Ngoc and I are ENGAGED! We’re excited about a lifetime together filled with many more stories of God’s goodness. We both know that God has divinely built us for each other and has now brought us together in His perfect timing. I’m happy to share the first story with you, A Sweet Beginning, with a collage of our engagement.

I look forward to sharing many more stories of dreams and visions fulfilled.

I am partnering with The Last Well (TLW) to provide safe, affordable drinking water to the entire nation of Liberia and preach the Message of Jesus Christ to those we serve (TLW Vision). I ask you to support me in changing the lives of hundreds of Liberians by donating to the cause.

Aconcagua Expedition: I will be climbing Cerro Aconcagua (Argentina), the highest peak in South America (22,841′ –the highest peak in the world outside the Himalayas), January 2011. This team has a fundraising goal of $5000/person toward providing water to Liberia by drilling or repairing wells. All costs of climbing the mountain are paid by the climbers (your support isn’t paying for our adrenaline highs or perils).

Engaging in something bigger than yourself: I recognize that going on an expedition like this isn’t for everyone, but we can all agree that having clean, affordable drinking water is. Why is this my current passion?

1. Dream dreams destined to fail without divine intervention: Providing clean affordable water to all of Liberia isn’t something that I can myself, it’s not something this team can do, and it’s not something that our organization or church can do. This dream is something that can only be done if God is involved – What other type of dream would you want to be pursuing?
2. Criticize by creating: Rather than criticize the big companies, massive charities or governments to solve Liberia’s clean water issues, I will point the finger at myself and ask, “What am I doing to leave a lasting impact on lives I can impact?”
3. Accumulate experiences: There are many worthy causes, but for me this one provides an experience of a lifetime – with many stories to share and challenges to overcome. Aconcagua is an experience that will test my mental, physical, emotional and spiritual character.
4. Share your best: Think of a time when you were excited about a deal you got, a song you heard, or a hilarious joke. What’s the first thing you wanted to do? Of course, share it with your friends and those around you.
   In the same way, I believe the best thing we can share is gospel of Jesus Christ. I can’t think of anything more exciting, more valuable or more appropriate. That’s why every community that receives clean water from your support will hear the gospel message of Jesus Christ.

Something rather than nothing: You and I are fortunate to not have been born in these destitute regions of the world, but that doesn’t mean we should fortunately ignore or forget those who are. It’s not fair that we have so much, which compels me to ask myself, “Is it true that when we choose not to help the poor, needy and thirsty that I’m actually robbing them?” We’re all in this together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OH1webgC5l0

Christ’s dedication, love, humility and sacrifice are so clearly depicted that we respond with respect and honor. I want to share another similar moment witnessed with my own father demonstrating greatness.

My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer after 36 years of marriage to my father. During this highly taxing time, my parents were going to take a week’s vacation in the mountains of Virginia. However, my mom’s health took a tragic turn for the worse when she became very ill due to the compounded effects of the chemotherapy. Through this time, my dad would spend all day each day in the hospital with her while she was too weak to eat, move around, and even talk.

My dad and I drove home late one evening while leaving the nightly care of my mom (his wife) to the nurses. My dad was very drained and frustrated because there was nothing he could do about the situation except wait and hope. Of course, these health issues along with the many other life stresses were wearing against him physically, emotionally and spiritually. However, it’s these times (some call it testing) that our true character shines through. I tend to think that these “tests” aren’t for God to see how true we are to him, but for us to realize that our life experiences have moved the faith of God the 18 inches from our head to our heart.

So, it’s this evening of frustration and confusion that my dad makes this profound and heartfelt plea, “I just want my wife back. I don’t know, maybe God is trying to teach me how to love my wife better.”

These are the words of greatness – words of a man filled with love and humility, but dedicated to sacrifice (similar to our Lord). It’s these moments that solidify what I’ve seen continually my whole life – a man of integrity, dedication, and relentless sacrifice.

As I reflect on those people who I look to as heroes, my dad is right there. There are a lot of weak men – losers – who live for themselves and aren’t worthy of any respect (no matter how successful they may be professionally), but then there are men like my dad who carry forth the torch of goodness in this world through pain and uncertainty. These are the men deserving of honor and respect. These are the men that the rest of us can admire, be proud of and model our character after.

Dad – you are a man deserving of much respect and honor. You continue to set a profound example of worthy character for me to follow. Thank you for being a hero and role model who stands far above many other fathers I’ve seen. I am truly blessed.

So, I admire my mom (not just today) for allowing her friends and family to be with her as she fought the good fight this past year. She continues to bring joy and blessing into our lives just as before. I was asked yesterday of one of the good memories of my mom and the first thing that came to mind was this:

When I was in grade school, my mom would come into my brother’s and my room (with me on the top bunk) to wake us up for school. But, she would take the time to make it fun. She had these little hand puppets that were such an expression of her being – fun and loving. She would poke at us for a bit and then have them talk to us in funny voices and they would sneak around when I rolled over as if these little animals wanted to play. I also distinctly remember many times waking up before she came in, but pretending I was sleeping hoping that it would be a morning of the little hand puppets.

So, I wanted to take this as an opportunity to share a bit more about my mom and consolidate some of the notes, activities and details of this past year for me, my family and friends.

• My mom’s breast cancer blog that she updated throughout the journey (registration required, but free): http://www.carepages.com/carepages/strongtower
• Pictures of a party celebrating the last chemo treatment: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2317991&id=1508003
• Excerpt from my dad’s take on the journey (75MB): Dick’s Celebrating Strength Speech
• My first publication about how I was dealing with it (not long after the news): http://www.jason1365.com/2009/05/03/i-trust-you-audioblog/
• Finally, more than anything, my friend Abby absolutely was/is an angel.  She jumped in as soon as she found out and called my mom frequently (having never met her before or anything); she sent flowers and packages to my mom with all the items that would make her day; she drove down to the farm to work and support my mom; she made a scrapbook for my mom; she reminded me about how to support my mom and she eased my own fears. I cannot say enough good things about her; she is probably the sweetest girl I know. She is a nurse and helps run Georgetown’s ICU.  Finally, she has battled breast cancer twice and knows the difficult journey well.  I don’t know how our family would have dealt with this without her.  Was it divine intervention that I met her a few months before my mom was diagnosed?  Or just coincidence?

Strongtower / Celebrating Strength Scrapbook

Mary’s Story

Mary is the amazing mother of two handsome young men and the strong and sustaining wife to her husband, Richard. Those who have the pleasure to know Mary know that she lives a lifestyle of joy and compassion. Mary exudes hope and peace at every interaction. Not only does she rejuvenate her friends and family, but they know that she is willing to come alongside and enable them to strive for what is good, right, and beautiful. This is evident each week as she enables people to change their work lifestyle to achieve professional goals that align with their values, gives opportunities to those who had opportunity skip over them by tutoring adults, and constantly sacrifices for her family in the daily activities which are so easily overlooked – rising early, preparing meals, tending to the cows, growing gardens, healing the sick, and meeting any need the family has.

Mary is strong. She continually lives her heart of hope and joy. Mary is the linchpin for the annual UVA football game festivities. Without a second thought, she purchases tickets for a dozen people year after year. Each game she (with her husband) shows up bearing many foods prepared the day before or morning of the game to entertain and enjoy life. Because she wants others to share in her joy and excitement, she saves the clappers, thunder sticks, or other fun toys from the games and brings them to subsequent games. In case, you missed that the fact Mary isn’t pretentious, she has painted her kitchen a bright yellow which is an outgrowth of the joy and fun that constantly flow through her.

Mary is our strong tower: Strong Tower.

Mary was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer on 2/5/09. When news came that Mary was diagnosed with breast cancer, her spirits remained high & her focus returned to the up-coming business seminar she was host/delivering the first week in March. In fact she scheduled mastectomy surgery 2 days after the event (no cancer ‘scare’ was going to alter her immediate goals). Her deep trust in God & love of others has gives her strength and a can-do attitude. She is confident she will meet this challenge & emerge stronger for it – not unlike how she did with her first battle with cancer some 30 yrs ago (Hodgkin’s).

Her surgery was deemed a success with no complications & no surprises. Lymph nodes under her left arm were also removed. Pathology reports from the removed tissue are pending – they will give us more info on the progress/stage of the disease. We remain confident in a complete recovery – God is good & will guide us through the struggle.

Post surgery 1 wk update [Posted Mar 14, 2009 8:26pm]

I am overwhelmed with the out pouring of love & prayers from everyone including people I do not know from all over the country. Thru these prayers, God has given me strength and no pain. Thank you very much for your cards, calls, books, emails, flowers, blanket, food & most importantly your thoughts and prayers. You truly have given me courage and strength to continue this journey.

March 18 – 1.5 wk post surgery update [Posted Mar 18, 2009 3:00pm]

God’s arms have wrapped me in his love and healing. Thank you for all your prayers and support, He has listened to everyone. God is awesome.

Treatment plan [Posted Mar 30, 2009 10:51pm]

Thank you for your support and prayers – the prayers work! I was able to plant some garden yesterday.

April 2-3 1st Treatment [Posted Apr 4, 2009 5:37am]

I was praying the last 6 mos for the strength & fortitude to loose 20 lbs. I hadn’t counted on Him answering in this manner, but that’s ok. So be careful of what you pray for. I sincerely appreciate all your prayers because His blessings have been bestowed upon me with minimal discomfort and a positive attitude. (I do not personally know who ALL of you are, but I thank you through God as I know you will never see this!)

Vacation/Massanutten Up-date (Dick) [Posted Apr 8, 2009 4:42pm]

Her strength has decreased & her sicknesses have taken over her body & to some degree her spirit.

I had thought that the overnight hospital stay would translate into some miraculous recovery – on the contrary. Her night was not good – they put her on O2, continued IV’s of antibiotics & instituted rules that anyone coming into the room must where a mask.

Vacation week wrap-up (Dick) [Posted Apr 11, 2009 3:35pm]

Mary has now been at the Rockingham Memorial Hospital in Harrisonburg, VA since Tuesday (it’s now Sat 4/11). The last few days have been tough for both her & I (but especially her), with little improvement in her energy or general well-being. Her white blood count was nearly 0 and her temperature was up and down Wed & Thursday. Her oxygen level was also lower than optimal, so she has been on oxygen sporadically through Fri.

April 22 Update [Posted Apr 22, 2009 8:39pm]

I can’t believe it’s Apr 22 already! Thank y’all for all your prayers. It has been a while since our last update.

Finally left the hospital at 5 pm on Sunday, the 12th, arriving home about 8 pm.

Jason, eldest son from No. VA, organized a work on the farm weekend, Apr 17-19. As you may know, Dick & I are somewhat private people, having made the choice in 1981 to have a working farm with the goal to be able to be relatively self sufficient. So it is definitely outside our comfort zone to ask people to help with the very hard manual labor that is required to maintain a farm. I know that this is a critical learning that God is trying to teach us – to trust in people that He has placed in our path, that there are many great & good people in the world. So, THANK YOU – Jason, Phil, Whitfield, Abby, Lacey, Stephanie from No VA, Jeff (younger son from Richmond) & Tasha, Locally – Todd C, Todd T, Z-Paul, Danny. Tasha, the pasta salad has been my mainstay this wk.

A special thank you to Abby for the ‘cancer survival kit’ and Streams in the Desert and cutting my hair. Sore scalp as my hair quickly falls out.

Thank you again for all your prayers, cards & thoughts. I don’t go anywhere without my ‘pink blanket.’ I know and look forward to the many learnings during this journey.

2nd treatment update [Posted May 3, 2009 1:14pm]

All in all, sunny skies are ahead. The wk after the 2nd treatment was better than the wk after the 1st. Next treatment on May 14 and the wk after should be better than last. I guess this is an iterative learning process as is the rest of life. Again, I am humbled by everyone’s prayers, thoughts, cards & wishes and I want to thank you. God has truly blessed me with having YOU in my life and I don’t even know all of YOU. THANKS!!

Half Way There [Posted May 27, 2009 10:24am]

Half way there – I feel like Luke Skywalker – ‘keep your eye on the target!’ So this is treatment 3, wk 2 and finally am able to sleep in my bed. However, at the end of this torture, a fitting result would be 20 lbs lighter (also half way there).

We are blessed to have you all in our lives supporting and praying for us. With bunches and bunches of love, Thank You. Mary & Dick

Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me? (John 18:11)

And the Lord answered – Shall I take away pain, And with it the power of the soul to endure, made strong by the strain?

Had else awaits us on this trip? (Dick) [Posted Jun 3, 2009 12:25am]

Just when you think things are going pretty well; we have a process that keeps nausea under control – then you get hit with the unexpected! Mary got stung by a cicada killer bee (some know them as bell hornets) & shortly thereafter, I found her lying on the kitchen floor – it was scary, & I almost called 911 – I know I lost her to unconsciousness twice (she is allergic to bees). We tried to get Benadryl pills into her, but nausea immediately counteracted those efforts – we finally got the anti-nausea process administered & 1 Benadryl pill was kept down (normally 2 are required – she actually took 4 pills over the course of the “event”, but only 1 stayed down). She gradually improved & the swelling/anaphylactic reaction diminished after about 2 hours of horrible reaction (poison from many fronts) – what a relief! Too many challenges/tests of courage & common sense – what else could happen? I guess these are learning experiences & rescues from God. In the end, God has shown his love, strength, compassion, & healing powers – we will prevail.

4th treatment -June 19 [Posted Jun 19, 2009 5:16pm]

I have a request for everyone to please insist on breast health to the females that you know – moms, sisters, friends, daughters (yes, even 17 yr olds). Physically, surgery is easy compared this 4.5 months of chemo (only 1 lymph node involved) & last time I had radiation for 2.5 mos. Early detection is the key.

To aid in self exams for early detection, Olivia Newton-John (16 yr “thriver”) has a new product Liv Aid (www.olivianewton-john.com) which enhances the feel of abnormal breast tissue. She has partnered up with Curves to distribute the product – free for the asking for Curves members but can also be purchased for $10 from Curves. Check it out & give as a gift.

Your prayers, thoughts and support continue to be an inspiration to me and I pray for you all daily. I don’t feel worthy of all the love you have bestowed on me.

Abby, please call me Mary, and thank you for the package & running for me. I hope to be able to do the same for someone in the future – just because I will be able to. (can’t even walk 100 ft now)

Such a blessing to have Theresa, Joel & Rocky here Tuesday at 6 am in the drizzle to work the cows and calves all morning.

“Men see not the bright light which is in the clouds” Job 37:21

5th treatment [Posted Jul 9, 2009 10:01pm]

The abyss was very comprehensive physically & mental, wide & deep, challenging anything Existential. ‘But his flesh upon him shall have pain, & his soul within him shall mourn’ (Job 14:22) doesn’t seem strong enough. Knowing that all abysses come equipped with a ladder, the only way out was with the Lord’s outreached hand and then His willingness to carry me across the darkness as He encouraged me to read Job.

I am not looking forward to the last treatment & was considering asking the Dr. about forgetting it – I’ve had enough of this. A lady briefly popped up while channel surfing – ‘take all the cancer treatments your doctor recommends’ – I guess the message was for me. It is the only time I’ve seen it in 14 wks.

Early detection is the key.

Friends, I am grateful & blessed with all your prayers and thoughts.

‘A friend is someone who reaches for your hand, but touches your heart.’ ~Kathleen Grove

last treatment [Posted Jul 21, 2009 9:01pm]

However, we are doing something a little exciting for the next 2 days (Fri-Sat) – visiting Jeff (younger son, 25) & Tasha in VA beach camp ground. Of course, I can’t be in the sun & it may rain, so we will be prepared. Getting away from the never ending farm work & TV routine.

Wow the camp ground was packed but Jeff & Tasha were able to get the only cabin open for 1 night. This was surely the result of a higher power & we were blessed by having a great time.

Jason, elder son from NOVA drove home Sat night to help troubleshoot & fix some of the many damages from the storm. Thank you for your energy and spending 8 hrs on the road to help for 1 day.

We are truly blessed to have 2 awesome sons & God’s providence! Thank you Jason & Jeff!

2 Free Thursdays! [Posted Aug 13, 2009 12:59pm]

Today is 4 wks since my last treatment (#6) which happened every 3 wks for past 18 wks. So it has been nice to have 2 Thursday’s FREE & CLEAR and not to have to anticipate the darkness coming the following 1-2wks. Now, everything can only get better.

We have been brought thru the hard part of this journey with the help of God, everyone’s prayers, love & support, now, sunny days are ahead & I know He will give us the strength & courage as we move forward. All we can do is praise Him as He has brought us very close to the breaking point but not over the edge and He readies us to travel on the next high road of life.

Ps 66:12 We went through fire & water, but You brought us to a place of abundance.

9 wks out [Posted Sep 18, 2009 2:16pm]

It’s been 9 wks since my last treatment. Recovery is going slower than Dick & I like which is somewhat frustrating. I was asked recently where I thought I was. I think physically I’m at 10-20% & mentally about 50% of normal. I also understand that there may be a new normal.

I am still on the journey. Thank you for your thoughts, prayers & support.

Just finished reading Martin L. Kings 1957 speech “A New Nation” which is the basis of my analogy

To become free from cancer (or anything), we need to look back at the process (suffering thru freedom) of the Israelites — the chemo is like the Egyptians, now I am going thru the desert, looking for the Promised Land of normality.

May you be blessed & always have hopes & dreams.

A Few Notes

Dear friends Mary and Dick,

You are being tested beyond all measure. The couple who struggled to understand the goodness of a God who would allow a calf to die or crops to wilt in the field, have become mighty warriors of faith who trust in Him come what may. Our father God must be so proud of you, his precious children, his trophies. We love you and continue to pray for you through this time. I love what you said: God has shown his love, strength, compassion, and healing powers–we will prevail. YES, you will and God will be glorified by it.

Love, Linda

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Lund,

What a journey this has been! I am glad to hear you made it through the confrontation with the “Giant Hornet”. Mr. Lund, I can only imagine the fear and adrenaline rush you got when you found Mrs. Lund on the floor. Bless your heart–I applaud you for holding it together and helping her get through it.

Mrs. Lund, you continue to amaze me with your perseverance through some difficult times. You have passed beyond the halfway point–May that bring you some hope and encouragement to see all that you have overcome!

Tomorrow I am running in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. I’ll be running for you, Mrs. Lund–running to celebrate your spirit of strength in the face of many trials. I also run for hope because I know there will be brighter days ahead for you. Just know that there will be a sea of pink out there fighting for this cause and for you.

I think of you both often. Hope this latest treatment behaves. Never hesitate to give a holler if either of you need anything!

Much love and prayers, Abby Butts

Hi, Mary.

Keep on hanging in there. Your resilience is remarkable. Thanks for promoting the life saving message of early detection that we of Beyond Boobs, Inc. are trying so desperately to get out there to women. I have felt one of those devices at Curves here in Williamsburg, and it really does help – even though I can’t use it myself since I no longer have any breasts to check. Keep on hanging in there, and thanks for the updates.

Love ya!! Mary Beth

Mary,

My heart is with you, friend. Wow–look how far you have come! All those baby steps eventually add up…Painfully slow at times, but you are getting there! I’m excited for some of the joys that await you (like being able to taste food again.).

Dick,

Thank you for your unending love and devotion to Mary. Thank you for caring for her and being there day in and day out. It is not easy to see your loved one go through hardship, and I hope that you, too, will continue to be sustained.

My prayers and love continue to be with you. Can’t wait to celebrate you!!! Love, Abby

A wise person once told me that God only gives us what he knows we can handle. Faith, love and strength to you and your family. ~Susan

Love always, from your friends -

Abby Butts; Adrienne Miller; Ami Punatar; Amy Patton; Andrea Mendieta; Ann Knight; Barbara Baker; Barbara Batchelder; Barbara Grimes; Ben Sterling; Betsy Page; Blair Warren; Brent Epperson; Carol Thompson; Carol Willis; Catherine Tung; Cheryl Johnson; Cindy Bondurant; Dan Lynch; Dave Hayes; Debby Ruffin; Dick Lund; Donna Hollin; Erik Scheer; Gina Barker; Graham Hollenbeck; Heather Henderson; Jaclyn Durant; Jan Wicks Fiske; Jane Choe; Jared Warren; Jason Lund; Jason Peel; Jeffrey Lund; Jenna Fowler; Jennifer Tucker; Jenny Brueckner; Jenny Van; Jenny Woollett; Judith Dawson; Kate Evers; Kathleen Mcelroy; Kathy Ruoff; Kay Wrenn; Kaye Lewis; Kristina Hopper; Ky Hasaka; Lacey Hanson; Lalala Mon; Laura Schneider; Linda Irvin; Linda Settles; Liza Mosca; Lizette Pirtle; Mark Allen; Mary Beth Gibson; Mary Lund; Mary Peel; Mary Smith; Molly Cousins; Monica Comparetta; Nataly Mautino; Natasha Hanvey; Ngoc Vu; Nick Cohron; Patrice Robinson; Patrick Griffin; Phil Spradlin; Rachel K; Rd Brummett; Robby Wright; Robert Batchelder; Robert Kantmann; Robin Smith; Ron Beverly; Sarah Likins; Sarith Ruiz; Shirley Quinn; Stephanie Lin; Stephanie Sharer; Steve Mcilvaine; Steve Thomas; Susan Baracco; Susan Myers; Susan Scotts; Terry Gross; Theresa Hesch; Tim Geisland; Tobey Thurston; Tracy Sterling; Vincenza Castello; Virgil Hollender; Winston Bersch; Yun Lee

The Guidance/Input

1. Guiding Deck: Dream Session 2010-04-24
2. Book Highlights: A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller
3. Men for Marriage (for men only)
4. Living a Good Story, an Alternative to New Years Resolutions
5. Let Story Guide You [MP3 Excerpt (2MB)]
6. Facing the Giants [YouTube, MP4 (13MB)]
7. The Best Motivation Video [YouTube, MP4 (3MB)]
8. Lecrae – Go Hard [YouTube, MP4 (9MB)]
9. Disney Pixar Up! – Married Life, Carl & Ellie [YouTube, MP4 (66MB)]
10. Randy Pausch – Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams [YouTube, FLV (229MB)]

In Action

Results

We each leave the time with a list of goals, dreams, ambitions and new friends. We realize that wanting to have lived a good life requires intention throughout. We have looked at each other’s goals and have figured out ways to take the next step for each other. We are connecting our friends with other friends and colleagues; we are affirming dreams; we are coming alongside our new friends to pursue the same dreams – together!

Next next step is accountability. We’ll need to make sure that we all take the time to move on the next step:

• Develop the plan
• Call the friend, relative or connection
• Do the research and move in the direction we know to be right

There seems to be some demand for another one of these sessions from some friends who weren’t able to attend. We’ll see what happens – who wants to spearhead the next one? Follow your dreams and make simple things like this happen!