Soulmates and Premarital Sex

Is there such a thing as a soulmate? What is a soulmate?How does sex affect dating relationships? When is sex acceptable outside of marriage? Engagement? Feelings of true love? After knowing the name of your partner? Take a few minutes to review the various resources discussion the effects of premarital sex. The thing I found very interesting was after several hours of researching the topic, I found nearly no information arguing the benefits of premarital sex. Seems like the number or warnings against it might be an indicator of something. What are your thoughts?

Discussion 12/08: Soulmates and Sex


Soulmate: the person you have loved your whole life and were destined to spend your life with.

Is there such a thing as a Soulmate? How do we recognize our soulmate? What does a soulmate mean to me?

What if your soulmate dies (after marriage)?

Changing perspective:

When I question my preconception about soulmates, are other aspects of my perspective that hinge on this assumption?

Is there such a thing as soul mates? Does God have one specific person for you to marry?

The Bible does not indicate that there is a specific spouse picked out for each person. A soul mate is anyone who you can be deeply spiritually connected to, not limited to one person or the opposite sex.

Do You Believe in Soulmates?
8 singles share why they do or don’t believe God has only one specific mate in mind for each of us

Sex and Dating

When is premarital sex acceptable (if ever)?

  • Truly love them (soulmate)

How does sex affect the dating relationship?

  • Adds complexity, vulnerability
  • Demonstrates love and commitment

Does sex affect future dating relationships?

  • Jealousy
  • Threatened/competitive feeling


  • Sticky tape
  • Benefits package

How does sex affect dating relationships?

[My personal questions and thoughts are available on my website where I previously asked/addressed this question.]

Did she really ‘love’ her previous partner? Then if she did, how do I know if she really loves me?

If sex signifies commitment, then she wasn’t committed enough to the previous guy, why would she be committed enough to me?

The act itself shows a selfish nature, not the loving selfless nature desire in a partner.

Negative Effects of Premarital Sex and Cohabitation

Americans commonly believe that couples who engage in premarital sex or live together before marriage are more likely to create a successful marriage. In fact, studies show that both those who have sexual experiences before marriage and those who cohabitate are more likely to divorce. Cohabitation in particular is linked to lower marital commitment and a higher divorce rate. Researchers have found no benefits of cohabitation. Some speculate that cohabitation has harmful effects because it teaches a couple they can have the benefits of marriage without full commitment, which in turn fosters a type of independence that is not compatible with a healthy marriage. When the couple marries, it is difficult to unlearn this independence and create a healthy interdependent bond.

The Case for Premarital Sex

Learning to be a good lover and sexual partner takes both practice and study.

The only way to become a good lover is through experience with multiple partners.

Why would you want to be a good lover in the first place? Isn’t it enough to learn exactly what your partner likes and do only that? [is it enough to find a single restaurant and only eat there for the rest of your life? Of course not.]

Whether you’re a man or a woman, your partner will expect that you have at least some sexual skills.

Becoming good at sex gives you new tools to communicate with others – many of them non-sexual. It also gives you perspective and wisdom.

Do you feel better about yourself and your world when your sex life is healthy?

Emotional Effects of Premarital Sex

“After interviews of 500 males and 500 females nationwide, ages 13 to 21, 73 percent of the girls said they would have sex but only because their boyfriends pressure them. Of The 67 percent of the girls who were sexually active, a whopping 81 percent said they were sorry they had ‘done it.'”

“The study revealed that many young girls behave aggressively because they want to get asked out, but when it comes to sex, it is the boys who are pushing for it.”

“The study also showed that boys are pressured by their peers to have sex and are considered wimps if they don’t score. Another startling statistic: One in five people will get a sexually transmitted disease by age 21.”

(Ann Landers, “Study Finds Girls Regret Having Sex,” Sunday October 20, 1996, E2)

The Effects of Premarital Sex

When we mix sex and love, we confuse the concepts of giving and taking. Personal selfish reasons cause premarital sex to take, but sometimes the taking may be confused as giving.

Sex forms a bond that exists even when the rest of the relationship is bad. We see evidence of that when a girl stays with a partner who physically abuses her, and who often treats her like dirt.

Some try to justify sexual experience before marriage as profitable to see if the two are compatible, but studies show a greater incidence of divorce among couples who are sexually active before marriage.

Unequal levels of commitment are an effect that is nearly always present in premarital sex and can bring emotional devastation. Especially for girls and women, the sex act has a psychologically binding effect. Sex increases the feeling of closeness to the partner. When this is not shared, one partner is always vulnerable to rejection. “What if I don’t please him any longer?” If the boy is not as committed, the girl may feel she is merely being used by the guy to fulfill his physical lust.

She began having sex at age 19…She has never been married, but would like very much to be married…”Why should he buy the cow when he gets the milk free?”

Sex and Dating in the Christian Life

The sexually immoral do not inherit the kingdom of God (I Cor. 6:9, 10; Eph. 5:5-7)!

I am convinced that most girls do prize [virginity], they face many and great temptations to give it away. Some do not want to be considered “odd.” Others want the feeling now. Many think they can use sex to get love. Many give in to their boyfriend’s pleas because they do not want to lose his “love.”

The loss of innocence, through sexual impurity, is as real for the boy as it is for the girl. He may deceive himself into believing that the gratification of the moment will make that loss worthwhile. But he too will find, to his great grief, that it does not.

Premarital sex always causes scars! … The scars will have an effect on you years later. In the passion of the moment, you do not think about the implications and consequences which reach far beyond that moment. You do not want to think about the consequences… Sexual relationships many years later, with the husband and with the wife you love so dearly, are going to be affected by the illicit and immoral sexual activity which took place before you were married.

A wrong motivation [for not having sex before marriage] is fear: fear of being found out, fear of pregnancy, fear of a disease, fear of the opinions of others.

Romance may not rule or dominate (Gen. 29:31, 35); romantic love does not make any thing legitimate.

Sex and Dating (Speaker Notes)

Pete Bullette, Chi Alpha Campus Pastor – University of Virginia

One of the most dangerous things about premarital sex is the person never learns to control his own sexuality

sex is a substitute for our need for love and relational intimacy

Sexual acts … are always motivated by selfishness, emotional pain, and/or rebellion. They are always performed to medicate, make you feel good, or to fill loneliness…

We are like tape, each time we touch someone through a sexual act and then get ripped apart we lose our ability to bond like we are suppose to. So soon after repeated activity we have lost out on our ability to bond with our mate.

Diminishing returns in premarital sex.

Another Regrets of Premarital Sex

One of the most painful, and yet overlooked aspects of sex outside marriage is emotional scars. What might start as fun, exciting and romantic can end in a lifetime of painful memories.

He gave me the gift of his virginity the night we were married. My gift to him was herpes… I had no idea I had herpes. Although I am a carrier of the disease I have never had any symptoms.

Other references:

ENDURING TRUTH – Paul E. Sheppard

Straight Talk About Sex – Parts 1 and 2

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jason exposed

Jason Lund

6 thoughts on “Soulmates and Premarital Sex”

  1. I rarely comment on websites or blogs, however I have found the articles here very informative. It is not judgmental, and presents facts in the light of God’s truth. I appreciate everything that’s written here.

  2. Hmm I really want a steak, a nice juicy steak with some A1 sauce on it YUMMY~NESS, but wait […] Dinner is 2 hours away =( I’m hungry NOW~!! I think if I have a hamburger right now, and later I will enjoy my steak (boy, I sure am smart).

    This is the argument I find from people that condone sexual relations outside of marriage. The fact of the matter is. If you eat the hamburger u’ll ruin your appetite, and sorry, you wont enjoy the steak.

    At the moment I say the 70’s and the big sexual revolution took all the sacred wonderful things of this world and turned them into shit. It made sex cheap, where liars and cheats could sneak into bed and spoil the virginity of sweet God fearing women… What are u afraid of? Commitment? Oh no wait your led by your penis in all actions big and small aren’t you..

    Sex is the smallest word that causes the most problem. And if you don’t believe me look up the statistics of children born to single mothers in New York, and oh wait what about abortion?

    Truth is we are making a nation of sex crazed retards who seek only sex anywhere they can find it, and they don’t care who they harm, who’s reputation they destroy, or who’s character they diminish..

    There are those of you who might be saying.. that you have morals and blah blah blah.. To u I say shut the eff up.. We all go up and down in our lives (no pun intended).. And there are times when we find ourselves with our reason temporarily suspended. Take for instance you loose your job, go out for a drink or two. Find that your life is headed down the shitter, and you take a look at the next door neighbor. Who to this point you have hither to avoided, and despised, and all of a sudden without your judgment (cuz your drunk) and without reason (cuz u lost your job). She looks mighty tasty. And tho your head is screaming at you to stop, you are beyond hearing at that point. Your sad and want to feel better and u will spend the night with her.. and regret it in the morning.. And God forbid she gets pregnant (and this is where u start to pray isn’t it?) How much would u regret it then huh?

    I’ve heard many stories from people who have waited, they tell me that it was the best decision they made in there lives. And on the contrary I’ve heard people who didn’t wait, and when they got married it was nothing special (just a continuation of already established patterns) And don’t refute this as nothing. Passion= trust. And what is a relationship besides trust?

    And please stop with the “everyones doing it crap” and “I just want to learn to please my partner crap” and “oh its only natural, suppressing it is unnatural.” these are all myths and ur retarded.

  3. Sex before marriage while not rare, it wasn’t commonplace when I was growing up. Now, even I wouldn’t marry someone without knowing that we’re compatible sexually. The idea of soulmates is perhaps striving for perfection in an imperfect world but how do you know for sure it’s not just a bad case of serious lust that will wear off over time?

  4. Thanks alot.. I used this article in a class for my persuasive essay. It was very informative. Thanks alot!!!!!

  5. Premarital sex is not a sin in the Bible like these fundamentalists tell you. Check my website and I’ll debunk that whole Sexual Purity nonsense those kind of people tell you.

    1. this is a complete lie. sex before marriage is of course a sin. i don’t know what kind of bible you’ve been reading. sex is a spiritual action. sex is a gift. sex is one of the most powerful things in the world, after love. saying sex is nota big deal and that its okay before marriage is not true. sex has been made something as pleasure, not love. sex is a gift you give your spouse on the night of your wedding, to show this person you love them with all of your heart. you give yourself at your most vulnerable stage. god gave us sex as a gift. a fragile emotional gift, the most delicate thing in the world. I’m not saying god will not love you if you have premarital sex. god always loves us. but this is just crap to make someone condone having sex without feeling guilty because they knew it was wrong. sex should not be taken lightly and should be seen as a gift. no be an idiot and tell the 13 year old girl that having sex isn’t a sin so she shouldn’t feel guilty about it. Sex is a beautiful thing, give it to your soul mate.

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