Is there such a thing as a soulmate? What is a soulmate?How does sex affect dating relationships? When is sex acceptable outside of marriage? Engagement? Feelings of true love? After knowing the name of your partner? Take a few minutes to review the various resources discussion the effects of premarital sex. The thing I found very interesting was after several hours of researching the topic, I found nearly no information arguing the benefits of premarital sex. Seems like the number or warnings against it might be an indicator of something. What are your thoughts?
Discussion 12/08: Soulmates and Sex
Soulmate: the person you have loved your whole life and were destined to spend your life with.
Is there such a thing as a Soulmate? How do we recognize our soulmate? What does a soulmate mean to me?
What if your soulmate dies (after marriage)?
When I question my preconception about soulmates, are other aspects of my perspective that hinge on this assumption?
Is there such a thing as soul mates? Does God have one specific person for you to marry?
The Bible does not indicate that there is a specific spouse picked out for each person. A soul mate is anyone who you can be deeply spiritually connected to, not limited to one person or the opposite sex.
Do You Believe in Soulmates?
8 singles share why they do or don’t believe God has only one specific mate in mind for each of us
Sex and Dating
When is premarital sex acceptable (if ever)?
- Truly love them (soulmate)
How does sex affect the dating relationship?
- Adds complexity, vulnerability
- Demonstrates love and commitment
Does sex affect future dating relationships?
- Threatened/competitive feeling
- Sticky tape
- Benefits package
How does sex affect dating relationships?
[My personal questions and thoughts are available on my website where I previously asked/addressed this question.]
Did she really ‘love’ her previous partner? Then if she did, how do I know if she really loves me?
If sex signifies commitment, then she wasn’t committed enough to the previous guy, why would she be committed enough to me?
The act itself shows a selfish nature, not the loving selfless nature desire in a partner.
Negative Effects of Premarital Sex and Cohabitation
Americans commonly believe that couples who engage in premarital sex or live together before marriage are more likely to create a successful marriage. In fact, studies show that both those who have sexual experiences before marriage and those who cohabitate are more likely to divorce. Cohabitation in particular is linked to lower marital commitment and a higher divorce rate. Researchers have found no benefits of cohabitation. Some speculate that cohabitation has harmful effects because it teaches a couple they can have the benefits of marriage without full commitment, which in turn fosters a type of independence that is not compatible with a healthy marriage. When the couple marries, it is difficult to unlearn this independence and create a healthy interdependent bond.
The Case for Premarital Sex
Learning to be a good lover and sexual partner takes both practice and study.
The only way to become a good lover is through experience with multiple partners.
Why would you want to be a good lover in the first place? Isn’t it enough to learn exactly what your partner likes and do only that? [is it enough to find a single restaurant and only eat there for the rest of your life? Of course not.]
Whether you’re a man or a woman, your partner will expect that you have at least some sexual skills.
Becoming good at sex gives you new tools to communicate with others – many of them non-sexual. It also gives you perspective and wisdom.
Do you feel better about yourself and your world when your sex life is healthy?
Emotional Effects of Premarital Sex
“After interviews of 500 males and 500 females nationwide, ages 13 to 21, 73 percent of the girls said they would have sex but only because their boyfriends pressure them. Of The 67 percent of the girls who were sexually active, a whopping 81 percent said they were sorry they had ‘done it.'”
“The study revealed that many young girls behave aggressively because they want to get asked out, but when it comes to sex, it is the boys who are pushing for it.”
“The study also showed that boys are pressured by their peers to have sex and are considered wimps if they don’t score. Another startling statistic: One in five people will get a sexually transmitted disease by age 21.”
(Ann Landers, “Study Finds Girls Regret Having Sex,” Sunday October 20, 1996, E2)
The Effects of Premarital Sex
When we mix sex and love, we confuse the concepts of giving and taking. Personal selfish reasons cause premarital sex to take, but sometimes the taking may be confused as giving.
Sex forms a bond that exists even when the rest of the relationship is bad. We see evidence of that when a girl stays with a partner who physically abuses her, and who often treats her like dirt.
Some try to justify sexual experience before marriage as profitable to see if the two are compatible, but studies show a greater incidence of divorce among couples who are sexually active before marriage.
Unequal levels of commitment are an effect that is nearly always present in premarital sex and can bring emotional devastation. Especially for girls and women, the sex act has a psychologically binding effect. Sex increases the feeling of closeness to the partner. When this is not shared, one partner is always vulnerable to rejection. “What if I don’t please him any longer?” If the boy is not as committed, the girl may feel she is merely being used by the guy to fulfill his physical lust.
She began having sex at age 19…She has never been married, but would like very much to be married…”Why should he buy the cow when he gets the milk free?”
Sex and Dating in the Christian Life
The sexually immoral do not inherit the kingdom of God (I Cor. 6:9, 10; Eph. 5:5-7)!
I am convinced that most girls do prize [virginity], they face many and great temptations to give it away. Some do not want to be considered “odd.” Others want the feeling now. Many think they can use sex to get love. Many give in to their boyfriend’s pleas because they do not want to lose his “love.”
The loss of innocence, through sexual impurity, is as real for the boy as it is for the girl. He may deceive himself into believing that the gratification of the moment will make that loss worthwhile. But he too will find, to his great grief, that it does not.
Premarital sex always causes scars! … The scars will have an effect on you years later. In the passion of the moment, you do not think about the implications and consequences which reach far beyond that moment. You do not want to think about the consequences… Sexual relationships many years later, with the husband and with the wife you love so dearly, are going to be affected by the illicit and immoral sexual activity which took place before you were married.
A wrong motivation [for not having sex before marriage] is fear: fear of being found out, fear of pregnancy, fear of a disease, fear of the opinions of others.
Romance may not rule or dominate (Gen. 29:31, 35); romantic love does not make any thing legitimate.
Sex and Dating (Speaker Notes)
Pete Bullette, Chi Alpha Campus Pastor – University of Virginia
One of the most dangerous things about premarital sex is the person never learns to control his own sexuality
sex is a substitute for our need for love and relational intimacy
Sexual acts … are always motivated by selfishness, emotional pain, and/or rebellion. They are always performed to medicate, make you feel good, or to fill loneliness…
We are like tape, each time we touch someone through a sexual act and then get ripped apart we lose our ability to bond like we are suppose to. So soon after repeated activity we have lost out on our ability to bond with our mate.
Diminishing returns in premarital sex.
Another Regrets of Premarital Sex
One of the most painful, and yet overlooked aspects of sex outside marriage is emotional scars. What might start as fun, exciting and romantic can end in a lifetime of painful memories.
He gave me the gift of his virginity the night we were married. My gift to him was herpes… I had no idea I had herpes. Although I am a carrier of the disease I have never had any symptoms.
ENDURING TRUTH – Paul E. Sheppard
Straight Talk About Sex – Parts 1 and 2